My future children,
Several years exist before you will be brought into this world, and that’s okay. Just know, I am patiently awaiting your arrival. It feels weird to think that I, a nineteen year old girl just beginning her journey in the world, will likely have my own children someday (someday far in the future, of course). Marriage, parenting, loving my own family. These things all seem so distant (not to mention, slightly terrifying). At this point in my life, I am trying to find myself in this world. I can’t even comprehend finding another human who will love me and share a life with me forever.
I want you to know I am beginning to think about you more and more. I’ve spent so much time ignoring the fact that someday I may get married and someday you children might exist, and that’s not okay. I am sincerely sorry that when people ask me if I want children, a laugh and a confident “noooo” have always been my immediate response. I’m sorry for the times I’ve told myself that I won’t find a love strong enough to create you. My soulmate is out there, the universe will guide us to each other, and we will love you endlessly. I’m sorry that I’ve denied your existence through these things. It is so hurtful and degrading to each one of you, and I apologize.
I am human, and sometimes, we learn best through mending our flaws. That is what I am doing now. I am working to change my thoughts and attitudes about my future. I need to embrace these things now rather than waiting until “that time in my life” to think about them for the first time. I need to be open to any and every possibility, even ones including marriage and children. Perhaps that is what my heart is telling me as it leads me to write this letter.
So my little angels, I don’t know what my future holds, but there is no harm in preparing a safe, loving place in my heart for those I will love. So yes I may be “young” and I may be “a crazy dreamer,” but I am not ashamed of these things. I will wildly dream about my future, no matter how far away it may be. I will think about each and every one of you, and I will think about my lifelong partner who will bring us together. I will think about these things and savor every moment of it.
I look forward to meeting you. I hope you have your mother’s gentle, adventurous spirit. I hope you love as boldly and fearlessly as she does, and I hope that you find the good things within this scary, dark world. I pray you will find happiness and strength in life, and when times become difficult, you will never feel alone. You can come to me. You can cry in my embrace. I will comfort you and guide you through life. Vulnerability can be a beautiful thing, and I hope you learn this lesson from me early in life.
I will nurture you, I will protect you, and I will welcome you flaws and all. You are a beautiful, unique soul. You radiate. You have worth, and you are irreplaceable. Words cannot describe the beauty you will bring to the world. I hope to show you all of these things endlessly.
My loves, I cannot wait to meet you. My soul feels so much joy when I think about the moments that we will share together. The time will come for all of these things, but in the meantime, there is work to be done. I must grow. I must improve. I must heal. I promise that from here on out, until I hold you in my arms and kiss your tiny forehead for the first time, I will be working on these things. I will build myself up to be the best person I can be so that someday, I can be the best mama I can be.
I love you with the moon, the sun, and all of the stars,